New York (The Plebeian): After months of pressure from probes into his finances Michael Cohen has said that he is willing to sacrifice his duties to the president for less jail time. “I am totally willing to fuck over the president to not go to prison,” Michael Cohen said. “Who wouldn’t bone their previous boss for a get out of jail free card? It’s not like he’s not an asshole anyway.”
These statements come as a contradiction to previous statements made by Mr. Cohen, particularly one made while he was wearing a dog leash held by Jared Kushner.
We asked the Special Counsel for comment on this story and a spokesman responded, “He was Donald Trump’s bitch and now he’s ours.”